piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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