Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize