i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
