I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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