Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
