goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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