i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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