happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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