Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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