You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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