oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
