just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
