Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
