OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
