I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
