I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize