I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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