Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
