I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
