dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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