my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
