I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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