It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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