He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
