i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
