Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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