All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
