I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
