Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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