i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
