Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize