i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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