so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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