??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
