Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
