And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize