I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
