I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
