how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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