Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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