Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
