do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just invented taco cereal.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize