did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
