I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
