I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
