I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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