remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
