Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
