Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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