Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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