I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
