I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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