I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
did i walk over a car last night?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
