so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
