I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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