Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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