I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
