i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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