I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I love you.
Bad choice
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