Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
