$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
