We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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