I am puke
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
