He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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