Your tits are I can't wait for
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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