Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize