Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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