I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
