Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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