Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
