I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I could make wine with my vomit
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
