i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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