So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
