At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
