this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
