Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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