Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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