getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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