Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
