Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize