I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
